I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
