fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
