After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
