Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
