I am puke
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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