WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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