So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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