he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
