Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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