a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
