Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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