Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
