Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
