The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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