Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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