Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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