While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
