I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
