You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
