My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
