if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
