I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
