tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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