Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
