Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
