Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
