what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
