woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
