My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
