You can't motorboat a personality
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
