I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
