No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
