dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
