I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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