How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
