He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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