We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
