you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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