I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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