I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
