did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
