And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
