I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
