I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
