my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
