it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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