I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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