Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
