fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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