This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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