she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
