Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
