Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
